Beware the Bumps of March

Dear Baby,

Every Sunday Uncle Eli comes over for “The Bump” photo shoot, as I want to capture my growing baby bump week by week. So far, “the bump” hasn’t amounted to much. If you look at the progression, you can certainly see that I am bigger, but I can’t be sure if that is due to you, or Girl Scout cookies.

I’ve been told that I am not supposed to gain any weight in the first trimester. Well, I started eating carbohydrates regularly, I am certainly not dieting, and my exercise regimen has become much less intense. So tell me exactly how I’m supposed to not gain weight. Before I got pregnant I was on the lower end of my Taylor-acceptable-weight scale, so I decided that I have a little bit of wiggle room, even in the first trimester. This is self-proclaimed, not doctor advice, but it is one thing I am not going to stress about. I’m eating healthy, but allow myself the occasional cookie. Also, I’m taking this horrendous prenatal vitamin that is the size of a horse pill. This is supposed to help develop your brain so all I can say is that you better come out wicked smaht.

I believe (and have read) that one contributing factor in my bloated belly is simply that. “Pregnancy bloat.” Apparently the heightened progesterone slows down my digestive system and makes me bloated all the time. It’s true. Every time I eat I feel like I’ve gained another baby. I’m not yet ready for maternity wear, but I did discover this handy little trick that involves looping an elastic through the button hole of my pants, and securing it around the button. I am probably utilizing this trick prematurely, but it does the job. Of course, there are much fancier “pant extenders” that you can buy, and I may do so, but in a bind, the elastic works just fine.

I make your father participate in “the bump,” photoshoots of which he is entirely unimpressed, but I think it will be cool to have a picture montage of my belly (and you) getting closer and closer to him. Although he sometimes rolls his eyes at my crazy ideas, he has been extremely helpful in this first trimester. Most days when I get home from work, I am like a tornado through the house. I kick my shoes off, set my jacket wherever, set my phone wherever, sometimes make dinner, get exhausted halfway through, leave a mess in the kitchen and pass out on the couch. He’ll come home a bit later, trace my path of destruction, finish whatever I started cooking, clean my mess, put me to bed, plug my phone in, and make sure I’m comfortable. We have a system. On nights when I’m particularly tired I benefit from his delicious Italian cooking (probably another contribution to my “bump”).

As I’ve said, the first trimester has been pretty smooth, and I can’t complain. I look forward to the future when my “bump” turns into something cute instead of what appears to be a pot-belly.

Love,

Mom

From Left to Right: Week 6... ah, slim and trim.
Week 8... um, what happened?
And Week 9...can't suck that in.

From Left to Right: Weeks 10 and 11, respectively. 11 is the most recent.
Please oh please God let that photo on the right be my baby and not Mrs. Cicala's cooking.

See how impressed and happy Tony looks to be taking this picture?
This was taken at week 9.
The sad thing is, Tony is getting skinnier as I am getting bigger. Hmf.